By Nimer “Neem” Basha
“How I Met (My Kids’) Mother”
November 1, 2014, marks the 7-year anniversary of the day I met the woman who I now call my wife and the mother of my children. I am going to share with all of you the way we met and started dating. BUT, let me preface this by saying: if the way I met Jackie didn’t have any valuable kernels of information to be gleaned by those of you who are still single, then I wouldn’t be sharing it. In other words, I’m not just telling you my story for fun (although it IS entertaining). Like many other editions of “Neem’s Themes,” I am using this real-life anecdote to illustrate some points; in this case, I will be illustrating some of the potential pitfalls of rejection that men face when they meet a woman, and how I was able to avoid them.
I used to promote parties years ago, and on November 1, 2007, I was hosting a networking mixer at a bar in the Lower East Side. As I was mingling, speaking with my guests, I came to a table where two women were seated. I was just going to say hello to them, as I was to all the other attendees, and then move on. I didn’t know that my life was about to change. I went to the table and said, “Hi, are you ladies having a good time?” Jackie turned to look at me, smiled, and that was it … The moment I saw her, I was hooked.
As the host of the party, I certainly didn’t want to be standoffish with anyone, so I couldn’t spend the entire night speaking with the future Mrs. Basha, even though I wanted to! I did, however, spend more time with her than I did with anyone else. There was definitely chemistry there. It was, dare I say, a magical night. When she was leaving, I asked her to have one last drink with me at the bar. And this is where things got a little interesting.
I told Jackie I wanted to see her again, and I invited her to a gathering that I was going to the following week with some friends (men and women). I told her she can bring her friends with her. I added that, while other people will be at this gathering with me, I want her to be ‘with me, with me.’ She again let out that smile that lit up the room. She said that she’d love to be there, and so I asked her for her email address. She gave it to me, and after a couple of more niceties and a kiss on the cheek, Jackie left the lounge with her friend.
Most men would have asked for a phone number, and would have immediately asked for a one-on-one date. I have my reasons for not doing either of those things. And if most men follow these guidelines, there will be fewer awkward moments during initial meetings between guys and gals in social environments.
Sometimes a woman meets a man and likes him, but when it comes to giving him her phone number, she’s not quite there. She doesn’t necessarily want this guy calling and/or texting her just yet. But that would create a problem: how can he reach her after they part ways that night? Email solves this dilemma. Email is innocuous. Email is less personal. Everyone gives out their email address. It’s not like your phone number. You check email whenever you want. It’s not an intrusive form of communication.